I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
