I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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