I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
