Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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