Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
