Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My hand turned me down
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
