Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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