even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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