i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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