I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
