On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
