By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
