people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
