watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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