Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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