I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
