I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
third nipple confirmed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
