That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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