My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is the high leading the old right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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