remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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