You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
