hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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