PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I checked into jail on foursquare
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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