I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
