he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
