im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
