Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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