just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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