Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
