ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize