so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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