I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
