Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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