It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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