I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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