508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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