he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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