dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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