she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
