I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
where does the pee come out of this thing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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