if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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