i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
