i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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