WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
