dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
