at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
