Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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