When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
