I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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