If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
