Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
