Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This baby is an asshole
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
