I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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