i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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