This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
