when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
