shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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