Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
