If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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