im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
