I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I party with great urgency now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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