Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
