Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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