You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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